oops

well...I did the shred one more day after my last post..and then life distracted me..and once I got derailed, I couldn't seem to hop back on.  And yet again, here I am with yet another 30 days until the next time I might be asked to stop exercising..and the scale is sitting pretty static, right around 144...so...looks like its time to start exercising for real.  :(  I don't know why I'm dragging my heels so much!  But I certainly am. 

On the babymakin' front, I went back to the RE last month and he felt comfortable with me doing up to 10 cycles with clomid...so...I didn't get my ducks in a row fast enough last month to do monitoring with him, but I did take clomid.  No dice.  But my CD2 appointment is tomorrow and I will be doing monitoring this cycle to see exactly what is going on.  He gave me a talk about how Femera isn't FDA approved for ovulation induction..and told me that injectibles are really a danger for HOM...so he suggested thinking about IVF if clomid doesn't work.  I don't know if that was really just a "cover my ass" talk...or if he really thinks that...but if he does, then I'm going to make an appt with another clinic to get a second opinion...  Really, it doesn't matter, because we don't have the money to do IUI or IVF...so...ovulation induction with TI is really our only option right now.  And injectible meds are absurdly expensive!  Blech.  I hate this. 

27 more days to shred

Three days down! I'm proud of myself because I was so freaking sore today and still did it. I just can't do the pushups while sore, so DH suggested doing wall pushups if needed. That was doable! Weight was up a bit this morning (145.6), but that was to be expected with swelling/water retention.

Tomorrow is my appt with my RE. I typed out all of my cycle info since getting pg with DS, just to make sure I have it right. I'm kind of nervous...

4 Months of Dieting!

My hubby just informed me that today is 4 months since we started our diet...so I thought that deserved a post about the numbers and results so far.
Starting weight (1/9)= 168.6
Starting BMI = 28.9
Current weight (5/9)= 144.8
Current BMI = 24.9 - NORMAL!!!
Pounds lost = 23.8
Pounds left to goal of 135 = 9.8
Pounds per week average = 1.7
Percentage of body weight lost = 14.12%
Percentage complete = 70.8%
And, since I have at least 30 days till my next possible BFP, I decided to give the 30 Day Shred a whirl.  I did it last night and it wasn't bad!  It was certainly challenging, but doable, so that's great!  I took some measurements this morning to compare against at the end of the month..
5.9.12- morning after first shred
144.8
Waist: 30
Hips: 40
Rt thigh: 23.5
Rt bicep relaxed: 11
Bust (with regular, lightly padded bra). 37.5

And I don't know what has changed about my body in the last week, but I'm suddenly no longer disgusted with how I look.  I certainly still see the extra pounds, but I no longer see a fat, or even chubby, woman looking back at me in the mirror.  My waist is defined, the lumps are mostly gone, my arms are thinner, and best of all, my face has lost its puffiness!
I feel really good about my progress, because that even includes taking about 6 weeks off for the whole pregnancy fiasco.  I only had one week where I truly went off the South Beach lifestyle, and that was the week that I was wallowing in self pity after my D&E.  I think that we have managed to really change out lifestyle and eating habits!  And THAT, is the key to keeping this off I think!

Silver linings are a funny thing...

So, 13dpo and its a BFN.  ugh.  I had SUCH a good feeling about this cycle too.  But, I bit the bullet yesterday and called my RE, I have an appt with him on Friday to talk about next steps.  Guessing that I will do one more month on clomid while waiting to be able to cycle with him.  I have some really generous friends that have offered me some injectible meds that they had left over, so I'm guessing that is what we will do!!  I need to find out how $$ IUI is and decide if we want to throw that into the mix too?  or just try for better egg quality and a good lining?  (I definitely want to add a trigger though...)

The silver lining to all of this?  I AM NO LONGER OVERWEIGHT!!!!  I finally broke my plateau and this morning I weighed in at 144.8, giving me a BMI of 24.9 which is NORMAL!!  YAHOO!!  I'm sure it will bounce back up a little bit in the next week or so, because that was a big drop, but I have one other thing to comfort me...  After having my pants literally falling off of me yesterday at work, I went shopping for some new pants last night. 

The ones I wore to work yesterday were size 12s that used to be tight...
So I took 10's and 8's into the fitting room.  Tried on the 8's first, they fit GREAT!!!  I was so excited that I was in single digits!  And then, I looked at them and realized that they would be too big in a few more pounds lost, so I decided to throw caution to the wind and try on some 6's.  Um...they effin fit!!  They were pulling a bit at the crotch, but they fit with no sucking in and minimal muffin toppage!  Sadly, the store was oddly short on 6's in anything but black, and I already have a pair of black pants that fit ok now, so..I ended up finding a pair of 8 petite pants that fit great and got those!

so..to recap, I wore size 12 pants to work yesterday when I can really wear a six if I want to have on hoochie mama pants!  HA!  

Progesterone is the devil!

The side effects are killing me!  I have all of the pregnancy symptoms right now and I'm not remotely far enough along into the 2WW for it to be remotely for a real reason..ugh!  alternating between nausea and STARVING, exhausted, my boobs are killing me, and the other day, I cried over an episode of Doc McStuffins... ugh. 

Weight is doing ok...hovering at 146.2 for a few days...hoping to get to that magic "normal" bmi number this week!!

My get up and go has got up and went...

(and I hanker for a hunk of cheese!)  I'm not sure why this popped into my head this morning...but do YOU remember these? HA!

So..having a tough time getting myself motivated at night to exercise, so to compensate, I've been extra good with my diet.  And today it paid off!  I weighed in at 146.9!  only 1.6 pounds from a normal BMI!!  I'm fully expecting that number to go back up some tomorrow, but it was still really fun to see :) 

I was thinking yesterday about how my favorite thing that we are doing right this time is that DH and I are in this together!!  Its so nice to have someone that eats what you do, weighs in when you do, is as obsessed as you are...its really helpful for keeping on track! 

W2D3 - Again

I did it! I finally got my butt off the couch and resumed C25K!  I just picked up where I left off, repeating the last day I had done.  And it was tough!  But, when I got home, I realized that I had my fastest time to date, so I think I was pushing harder than before.  I was pretty sore this morning, but it seems to be loosening up through out the day.  

And, while this is good progress, I can't help but feel a bit embarrassed that I'm so sore, tired and out of breath from the little bit of running that it actually entails so far...I constantly feel like I'm taking the easy way out by doing this and not just diving into running as long as I can possibly go. 

BFN

I guess I have run out of excuses...I have at least one more month of weight loss ahead of me, so...DAMMIT!  Bring it! 

Still hovering just under 150 each morning...that's exciting.  And helped me to avoid bagel day today at work, even though I desperately wanted one, feeling a strong desire for some some comforting carbs :( 

A new decade!

Well...I have felt like I have really been struggling with getting back into the swing of things after the whole miscarriage debacle, but as of this morning, I am down 7.5 pounds since then (some of which was re-losing the little bit I had gained...so I think that is why I constantly felt like I was getting no where.)  AND!  I finally broke into the 140's!  I'm fully expecting for that to be a fluke and be back up tomorrow, but I'll take it today...149.7!  only 4.7 pounds away from being a normal BMI!

I still haven't managed to start exercising...I should write down the list of my pathetic excuses I've come up with...

Well...I'm back.

Had an u/s in my 6th week and it wasn't a viable pg.  And to top it off, there was some odd, cystic looking tissue, so we had a big scare that it could have been a molar pregnancy, which would have delayed us being able to try again for 6-12 months and includes a risk of cancer.  I had a D&C on leap day and the results came back non-molar.  So...that was good at least.  ugh. 

I'm doing pretty well, just the occasional day where it smacks me in the face and I end up sobbing at my desk :(   But, I've been cleared to start TTC again and I actually got an unmedicated +OPK yesterday, so I guess we are officially back in the saddle! 

In the meantime, after a couple weeks of indulgence, I've been back on my diet.  I settled into 156 pretty solidly while I was pregnant, so that was a relief to not have a ton of weight to lose again.  on 3.14 I weighed 156.3, and this morning I weighed 152.7!  YAY! 

I haven't gotten back to C25K yet, we've been busy working on our attic to family room renovation (which is super exciting!), but I'm hoping to this weekend while I'm visiting my parents in Ohio.  It is nice and flat by their house, so running is much easier than the crazy hill that I live on! 

A few milestones ahead of me:

• 3 pounds and I will be in the 140's!  
• 8 pounds and I will be 145, which puts me in the "normal" bmi range!  This is a big one for me!!
• 13 pounds puts me in the 130's
• 18 pounds gets me to my new goal of 135

My former goal was 138, but while I was pregnant, I realized that even "decades" are huge numbers in my head...and my normal weight fluctuation is too big to have a goal that is only 2 pounds from the next decade up.  I am now aiming for 135 so that I have a more comfortable weight swing, but I am still close enough to one that it should help me stay focused when I reach maintenance.


I guess that's my update...sad...  and now I feel like I am in a race with myself to lose the weight as quickly as possible on the off chance that I get pregnant quickly again!  

And....I'm done

Such mixed feelings, but the happy news is that this cycle worked!!!! I'm pregnant!! Yay!!! Just trying to adjust my thought process now and switch out of diet mode :) my doc told me that I should stop my running program. I actually miss it! But, I guess I can always try again after this little one arrives!!

ouch

Dropped another two pounds in the last two days...hopefully these stay gone too!  I'm getting damn close to being halfway done!!

But apparently my body is not happy with the fairly rapid weight loss...my gallbladder specifically (I'm sure my knees are breathing a sigh of relief).  No puking this time, just lots of pain.  boo.  I dreamt about searching for and then eating tons of tums last night, so obviously it was bugging me in my sleep.  It took me until I got to work this morning to realize what it was.  And looking back...I had this pain almost every night at bedtime right after I had my son (another period of really rapid weight loss for me)...and the last puking gallbladder attack I had was the cycle that we got pregnant with my son...I had switched to a "fertility" diet and was losing weight pretty quickly.  Ugh.  Hopefully it doesn't hang around long this time...I can handle it if its just a random occurrence. 

W2D3

Run felt good, but was apparently really slow. Still burnt 186 calories. Glad I went because I really didn't want to. :) I also am debating keeping a dance game I got for my niece (she got another copy, so I need to return it), but it might be fun exercise :)

Week 4 weigh-in

I lost 2.3 pounds last week!  Much better than the .3 the week before.  And for being only 4 weeks in, I can't complain! 




WEEK 4 STATS
Total lost:  11.2 lbs

% lost: 6.64%

37% of the way towards my goal!


And I'm still way ahead of my 1.5 lbs a week goal line (the red one).

I feel good about this weekend...yesterday was the Super Bowl.  Plans that we had fell through, so we stayed home.  I wanted to still feel festive, so I made homemade chicken nuggets, coconut shrimp with a spicy apricot soy dipping sauce, cajun roasted chick peas, and some buffalo chicken dip.  I know...no veggies...but at least it was SB approved!  We ate it in the living room, all three of us sitting on the floor and using the ottoman as our table.  It felt fun and little different :)  DS adored the chickpeas! 

W2D2

Everything about that run was wrong. Alerts weren't coming through at first , so I missed the first few runs before I figured it out...then we had a run in with some aggressive dogs. After that, Cooper got off his leash. And then my phone (and therefore my music and intervals) died.

But... At least I ran. I really didn't want to tonight, but I did (even if it wasn't great). I'm calling it a win. Old me would have said it was too cold/wet/whatever.

And good news on the TTC front. If I make it through tomorrow without AF, it's my longest cycle in a looking time and at least the crinone is helping my LPD!

Taking the night off from running. Looking forward to trying a daylight run tomorrow! And I ordered a running vest that has some reflective parts and pockets to hold my phone. Yay! I looked at retractable leash/flashlights but decided to hold off.

I was down to 157.2 this morning, so I'm hoping for a good weigh in on Monday!

:(

Hungry and hormonal tonight. Not a pretty combo. I might head to bed early, just to skip it all.

W2d2

Man, that was a tough one today! My knees were hurting from the beginning, I was too warm, and my legs felt like lead, but shaving time off! 13:30 avg run pace. Getting better! And I made myself sprint the last run segment!

Yesterday I tried a recipe for faux choc chip cookie dough made from chickpeas... It actually wasn't too bad!!  It would have been better if it had been made with the brown sugar and oats it called for instead of skipping the oats and using Truvia...but...it was shocking!  Cooper even wanted some ;)

The scale moved for me

And luckily, it was in the right direction!  When I hopped on this morning, I was 1.7 pounds less than yesterday...Hoping that I am solidly in the 150's now!  woohoo!!! 

W2D1

Fastest run pace so far! 14:12...no land speed record, but the others were all 15 or above. :) and just shy of 2 miles (1.98) so I kept walking a little bit to make it two miles even :)

Frustrating weigh in today. Down just .3 pounds. But it's better than going up! I'm sticking with it being muscle gain and water retention, but if I don't drop next week, I will start watching calories too.

And I figured out today that I am 29% of the way to my goal of 30.6 pounds lost! Not too shabby for three weeks!

My chart after three weeks:

I'm having a love affair...

With kale. I just love that it doesn't lose it's texture no matter what you do to it. It's fabulous in soups, worked out ok as the "noodles" in my "lasagna" today. And I'm loving it baked in the oven as chips!

W1D3

Real feel of 20, but I learned from last run and dressed in light layers. The cold wind felt good :) 143 calories today!

I think this is the furthest in the program I've made it in a few years ;) I usually find an excuse by the third day.

Blah...

We are starting to add back in a few "good" carbs.  So last night I made some whole grain pasta with chicken, pesto, and broccoli.  It was delightful...but this morning I was up a pound and a half.  Not good.  Hopefully it is due to cycle timing and not to the carbs!  It really has me bummed...boo!

I finally got a +OPK this morning...so time to start the progesterone and see what happens!  Wish me luck!

W1D2

Well, I learned a couple of things on my run today... Wear less clothing than you think you need, and don't stuff yourself for dinner beforehand. Oops. :D

Obsession

What is it about me that makes it so that I'm only successful at something if I get obsessive about it?  I've been happily loading up my RSS feed with weight loss blogs, healthy food blogs, etc.  The one other time I was successful at losing weight and working out all the time, I was completely obsessed...until I got engaged, and then wedding planning became my obsession and I put some weight back on..oops!

So...I'm feeling doubly good about my current obsession...I clearly only have room for one in my life at a time...so if I'm obsessing over being healthy, its seems to be helping me NOT to obsess over TTC #2.  Win win!

I did it!!

It was unseasonably warm tonight and the rain held off... So after putting the munchkin to bed, I immediately changed clothes, grabbed the dog, and hit the pavement.

Day one week one done! 1.6 miles and 149 calories burned.
I hope the weather continues to be decent for a while!!

Confession time

I want to be a runner. 

There, I've said it. 

I'm secretly envious of those people that can call themselves that. 

Once upon a time I did the couch to 5K program and then transitioned inside to a treadmill when the weather got crappy and would do it for 45 min to an hour, every day.  But I never felt like a "runner".  I want to be one of those people happily running outside, in any kind of weather, because they WANT to.  Because it makes them feel good. 

I have a million excuses for why I haven't started running.  Weather, we live on top of a huge hill, my knees are a disaster, I don't have good headphones...yeah...I have a million lame excuses.

I'm struggling right now with the weather one..and a biggie...that I'm trying to get pregnant and if my last pregnancy is a good indicator, I'm going to have to shut down physical activity pretty quickly.  Last time I couldn't even vacuum without bleeding or having contractions. 

But...it could take a long time to get pregnant....and every bit of running, dieting, changing eating habits, etc is NOT going to be for naught. 

Every pound I lose before getting pregnant is one less pound I will have to lose afterwards to get to my goal weight. 

And maybe being in better shape this time will help my body handle the physical stresses of pregnancy... 

And with every BFN I get, I can get one month further along in my resolve to be healthier and to be a better role model for my son. 

So...tonight I will restart the couch to 5K program....

...if its not raining ;) 

Two weeks down

Two week weigh in and I am down 7.6 pounds!  I weighed in at exactly 160.0.  I was a little sad that I didn't break into the 150's, but that's probably a good thing so that little fluctuations don't bump me back up and make me sad :) 

This weekend was pretty good!  I was still having some mood issues from the clomid, so I ended up changing the bet to "winner gets to choose what they want to do on Friday night"...and I chose to sit on the couch and veg :)

Saturday we had people over for game night.  I had one small glass of wine and then munched on peppers and hummus.  YUM!  I was so relieved that I managed to not screw up majorly and I didn't feel deprived. 

My chart from our nerdy spreadsheet...

Competition!

My lovely, nerdy husband and I are in this together.  He made a spreadsheet to track our weight loss, since we both like graphs and charts and such ;)  (Did I mention that I'm a nerd too?) 
Anways..to make it interesting, we decided that whoever has the biggest percentage of weight loss, overall, each Friday morning, gets to pick the movie we watch that night. 
 
I won this week, down 7.6 pounds total for a 4.51% weight loss :)  YAHOO!!

Guess who has to watch some sort of princess or syfy movie tonight!? 

It just hit me...

why the diet seems a little easier to handle this time around.  I think its because it is the first time we have dieted since having the little guy.  Our weekend plans no longer solely consist of going out and drinking, so its not nearly as painful to not have any alcohol :)  We only go out occasionally, so the occasional cheat night will be fine!  I don't feel so penned in...  Although I have had two nights of really wanting some carbs...so I'm glad phase one is almost over and I can add in some whole grains soon!!

Doh..it was a fluke

I weighed in again this morning and I was a pound up from yesterday...still a good loss, but apparently its time to start the less frequent weighing in, so that I don't have to deal with disappointment of seeing the scale move up (even though, overall, it was still a loss!!)

I had my first rough night last night with cravings.  I'm on clomid and apparently the "clomid crazies" have finally caught up with me.  Dealing with crazy amounts of anxiety, coupled with complete disinterest in my life.  not fun.  All I wanted was some lovely comfort food last night.  Luckily, I had a nice roast in the crock pot and made up some really yummy green beans sauteed with fresh ginger, garlic, soy, lemon and smidge of truvia.  They were really good! 

another 3 pounds?

I'm not sure how it happened, but I woke up this morning down 8 pounds total!  We'll see if the loss sticks around, but my pants sure fit a lot better today! 

one week down

And I'm down 4.8 pounds!  YAY!  I love the water weight factor of the SB diet!  I'm so much less puffy and bloated.  I've been doing really well with cravings so far too!

Adventures in food :)

I'm enjoying the culinary adventures that this diet leads me on.  Last night, I used some leftover kale from soup to make kale chips.  I burnt most of them (oops) but the ones I didn't were pretty yummy!  And the ones with just plain salt were better than the seasoned ones!  I'm definitely going to try them again sometime! 

The sriracha and ginger turkey meatballs were delish! 

oh...and these cocoa roast almonds by emer.ald nuts!  YUM!!! 

Tonight we are having baked falafel and tzatziki, my first time making either!  They both smelled fabulous while I was prepping them!  

Since its the cool thing to do...

I'm starting a blog to purge some feelings, celebrate successes, and whine about failures as I simultaneously try to lose weight and get pregnant with our second.  

Funny story...yesterday was my first day of doing the South Beach diet...it also happened to be 8dpo on our first clomid cycle of this go around.  I had a tiny bit of spotting, got myself all in a lather that it HAD to be implantation bleeding.  So this morning, I wake up, shuffle to the bathroom, pee in a cup, grab the test to put next to it and then I wipe.  Bright red blood.  Lots of it.  

Goddamnit!  

AF is here super early. 

So then, being a glutton for punishment, I jump on the scale.  Luckily, I was 2.5 pounds down... in one day.  The first weeks of SB are so freaking awesome!  

I'm trying hard to find the silver lining in a BFN...and its working...mostly.  I have at least one more month to drop some weight and start pregnancy at a healthier place.